lauantai 28. toukokuuta 2016

Dreamer

As the sun is going to sleep
there will be life to keep..
One woman still awake,
waiting for you to arrive.



Stronger than yesterday,
Curious about tomorrow.

Praising the life itself!


Waiting for challenges,
Loving the wind of  balance,
So much to see, still.



I will walk for fire
I will walk through ice...

I shall treasure you forever...

And beyond.


xox

torstai 26. toukokuuta 2016

Mrs. Barefoot

I took a week off from social media, last week so too arduous both mentally and physically. I was just so tired, needed to reload my batteries. Well, now I´m here again, with better energy.

I sit in our sofa with cup of coffee (made it vanilla) and because it´s raining so so much, indoor day. Also, there was huge thunder earlier and I just could not leave my babies alone.. one of our dogs is so scary when it comes thunder. Here, in country that is real threat, usually one barn, home or something will burn. Hoping that not today.

I have tv on in background, music from VH+1, music never felt so good. Ah, music from every decades! Slow, groovy..with soul. Something that I need right now..

Yeah, my contract with the Coach continues!! Another half year is sighed up. So happy about that.
I feel like I need to do this now, for me. Challenge me, leaving from my comfort zone. Also, I have to admit..I like the change in me. I mean, I´m going to be 45 years in next Sunday, and I feel better than ever. Maybe, in some way, looking better too.
I know, I have wrinkles etc, but I have more inner strength now. Self confident. That, I believe, shows. Who said, that women in their 40´s are getting too old to be hot...I wonder. ;) Ok, let me have my illusion, ok?

I got new program for training too today. I must say...man...that´s tough one! I have to work my ass off!! But, there´s a saying: no pain, no gain- for a reason..Actually, now the real work is about the start.



Oh wow, our WiFi is on/off/on because the weather. Hoping to get this done before it´s off all the time.

Why I put that title, Mrs. Barefoot? I love to be so in summer...without shoes! I actually drove my car without shoes yesterday....that´s a great feeling, freedom! If there´s a change, I dont want to just feel that earth under my feet. Just so great feeling.... down to earth, literally!



How I love to be: barefoot, growing something and coffee.... My real passion: nature. 

Time to go and make pancake with blueberries

So good...I do love to cook, I just hate to clean. :D 

xox

torstai 19. toukokuuta 2016

Strong women

Ok, I have to breath.. Such a important subject for me.

What makes one to be Strong woman?? Attitude. Not only how one looks, but winning her and hey, his too! Obstacles. Why I write strong women, instead strong people? I´ll get to that later.

But not surrendering about age, sickness, surrounding.. being the woman you feel inside, truly feel...not that, that you see in the mirror and think: Why I look like this, why I´m so old, why I´m sick... No... I mean that woman that you want to be. Ho you, deep inside, feel. Strong, beautiful, hot, powerful.
Have you seen her? Oh yes, she´s there. Sometimes needs a helping hand to come around, so help her?

But how? Be bold.

We all have out sources of inspiration. I made confession to mine yesterday.. Simpy by saying thank you for being her. She´s such a classy and strong woman. By simply watching her life, I have realized: I can be what ever I want.

But to know, what and who I want to be..that´s a another story. Why? I lost myself during -90´s. I got sick, badly.
Before that I was modelling, and had such a awesome time in my life. All was open. But when I got sick..I lost me. I felt so zero, not worth anything...second class.. loser...weird one..I started to listen words like: you HAVE to be like this or that. Don´t wear that. Dont be you, basically.
That is why, I´m so passionate about being that woman, who you want...I lost 10 years for being me. Now I want me back.

What I had, that sickness, was really bad and strong panic disorder. I had just lost my mom to my arms and in a way I lost my dad too.

I spent 10 years in medicines, doctors, hospitals.. they didnt have any solution for me. Just medicine. I tried to...well... sleep forever 3 time, last time always made it (thank God I didnt!)

But now I am back. Of course I was bitter for lost years, but now I´m going to make best of these years.

It took every drop of courage from me, to come here. First to trust, that I´m good enough in this relationship. Am I worth it? Good enough?

Now... I need to find that woman in me, that I want to be. In that, I need to be bold, not settle less. Keep my own attitude. Yes, I might go wrong for time to time, but you know what? That´s not so serious. I keep on trying and that´s important to me.

Putting clothes, for example. It´s easy to put something..but to dress as YOU feel? As you want to be? That´s another story.. So, mistakes or not: I´m going to find me AND start to look as I feel. Good. I feel good. Strong. Worth it.

So..let me introduce:me!


I just got home and started to watch Ice hockey, Finland vs Canada...intense match! This picture tells so much. My feeling, peace at home, me... not perfect like in magazines... but true me. 

Be you, be strong in every way!
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xox



tiistai 17. toukokuuta 2016

My paradise and green lace dress

Funny, sometimes it take so long to realize simple things. Like for me: I live in my paradise. I do. When I moved from city to here, I felt that I could breath. Here is so much different greens ans trees.. As I look from window, I truly can see only green and that makes me so calm.

 It´s still quite early, and that cherry tree ain´t white, but when it gets her white veil..it´s so pretty! Next to her (yes, it´s her) is red apple tree...red and white colors in green. I love that, when I come home from somewhere...welcome home!!

I bought this red apple tree,when my dad passed away, 4 years ago. It´s in his honer there...And growing up so fast! Gonna be big tree one day.

There´s so much, that I want to share but that would take so much time and pictures. So, I put here some of my..not favorite, cause there´s so many places of those..but places, where we are hanging most in summer. Coffee, dinners etc...

Our back terrace. It´s not ready yet, I just put those curtains. It´s too cold to put flowers or my spices there, still have to wait for a while. But anyway...I love to sit in that sofa and just relax. I can hear only birds, not cars. That´s so peaceful for me! When I lived in city, under my kitchen window was a bus stop... that noise! 

Me, my man, dogs, cats, birds and coffee...


Our swimming pool ;). Just put that too. There´s going to be flowers around and so much more. Yes, still kind of cold for that (+10c) but now it´s ready. After sauna..awesome thing to do! Let the heat come!

I have found my paradise, what´s yours? We all have different paradise, that is right for us :)

Then, that green lace. I know, that this color is more in in next fall, but I  just love it so. I bought it last year, have wear only once in one fashion show in Winter. Now it´s getting too big and I kind of am fighting to make it work on me. I dont want to give up on that..maybe I need to take that dress to dressmakers, they know what to do!

We are going for some serious shopping here, and my spirit is still high here. There will be no pictures after :D

Coffee to go...of course



I just love that back here... I try to keep it with belt..Yep, need to save this dress. 
That color is so delicious! In fall with warm red...orange...yep!
Hope  you like it too! :)

xox



sunnuntai 15. toukokuuta 2016

one small black cat and a monkey

Hi, how was your weekend? Although, it´s still Sunday..so weekend is still here. I had some moments of revival, facing me, facing others, shopping with my man, birthday of one great 2 years boy..action- weekend.

I took several times my laptop and thought that I write also. But I couldnt. One reason is small black cat.

As I told, we have 2 dogs and 4 cat´s. 2 cats are only 6 months old, and I was literally there, when they were born. Their mother wanted me to be around.

These 2 small one´s are black, with small white marks. But this one, who is in my lap even right now...and reason, why I didnt write before..he´s so great. He comes to sleep in my lap, like so that I cant really put my laptop there. I think that he wanted/ want´s me to take some break from this machine...


Yes, totally bad picture..I took it with laptop.. I dont want to wake him.. :D Yes, he´s more controlling me...

But..when he´s there...I have to pay attention to something else. And by that I see those small beautiful moments in my life. 

I have gone so fast lately, that harder and harder to do that. This small black cat just takes me back...Just by sleeping there. 

Yesterday, I lured my man to watch one movie with me: (after we had watched latest Terminator...fits well) Hal and big love. I don´t know, if you have seen it? It´s kind of sissy and sweet...but so great. 

There is this guy, who looks women with so shallow eye..and one incident changes that. He will see the inner beauty so, that those women shows more like models to his eyes. That´s that inner beauty that he see. 

I like that idea....I do. I mean, what if we could see that inner beauty too? And yes, he saw those beautiful but mean girls ugly... and by that I dont say that all girls with look are mean..no no..or opposite..but generally, showing that inner glow? Not judging by looks? That would be great in these days.... 

Now..I have to share a secret..as a woman to another. When my *that time in month* get closer... wow... I get so emotional. I mean..I cried when I watched Bold and the Beautiful!!! Also, why on earth Donald Duck (read those when I´m alone..in food table...) so bad luck every time..poor Donald.

So, when we went to shop some food and some present to that  2 year.. I saw this soft toy: monkey. I said, that really...we have to buy this, it´s way too cute... but we had one train- thing already. "Please??" This needs home!!! Ok, take it... he (my man) wanted to buy it. Ok, fine by me. But you know..sweetest part was this...he bought it for ME!! :D Oh my gosh... I´m almost 45 years and I got soft toy... I´m not too old for that! ;D 
There has to be some child- like inside of us.. otherwise life get´s too serious. Life can be tough enough, and without that quality? Too hard. 


Me and the Monkey :)


These are the days of glory of being woman. I dont know, how hard it´s to be a man, but I do know, that... Eva should not have to eat that apple long ago. Coffee, chocolate and gym. My recipe for this time of month. 

torstai 12. toukokuuta 2016

Summer girl

Wow, again sun!!! Yesterday was so cold...and in Weekend there could be rain, that match in month rain.. so, time to enjoy this sun- time!

I do admire people, who are personal dressed. Who uses both imagination and fun as dressing up.
I execute that fun- part now ;D

Today I let loose of my inner hippie.. there it has been so long, hiding. I did have fun and yes, feeling good with this outfit.




Fun fun!!!

Now....I used sports bra under...so...I have to show my stomach here..at the first time of...well...atleast 6years. And my man just called so technology just met 70´s. But..yep..here:

Good in under that dress.



Loose day, hippie feeling. 

Be bold! :)

Have fun.

xox

And yes...all from H&M..

tiistai 10. toukokuuta 2016

Me and the city

Today was that time, when country girl went to the city. After long, long time. I was thinking, what to wear...what to wear. I mean, I promised to me, that I´m gonna be bolder again to dress up and also, being true to my style. I just think, that today I found myself again.

Believe me, in Finland is so hot today! That´s not too usual here, 2 weeks ago it was almost snowing...

But, I like this style that I have on. It´s not from magazines, I know but it´s me :).
I was thinking at first, that I put high heals but..after I broke my ankle 3 years ago, I have to start easy with those. Yet, I´m so short, I needed some length... these were perfect now, sandals I mean.
First I wondered that really? Am I gonna wear those?? Answer was yes...as funny as they might seem. I was taller :D.




Black suede jacket and chiffon pants..not too hot and very comfortable to use.





Those sandals:




Really easy to walk!!

And old school accessories... I like these kind of things, a bit rock´n roll here:

New pet with me?

Time to change clothes and go to yard. So much to do and so little time!! 

Have a great day all,

xox

maanantai 9. toukokuuta 2016

Beauty comes from inside

I was thinking in thins morning, that I still have about 5-7kilos to my goal. Actually, I was kind of depressed, because my weight has stuck for some reason. Yes, still am and I know why... I have been a bit... well... sloppy.
Gonna fix it now, so soon I´m in my goal. And when I say soon, I dont mean in next week... too much rush is the worst thing that I can do to my body.

But one thing made me even more sad. I read from news that this awesome, beautiful girl had put herself so pretty for prom. And she was such a doll!!!! Yet...some mean...dirty word here...from social media put her down and said that not pretty, too fat etc.
I mean, she was happy to go, put effort to look so pretty and as a woman, I know how special feeling that is! Next day..she wrote...I wish I havent gone there at all..or put this dress or my hair... sad. People are gruel.

It is not how much you weight. The color of your skin. It is, what you have deep inside. That makes you beautiful. Even if you have a pretty face and perfect body, but inner is mess... that shows.

I know, I write about loosing weight and clothes... I do it for me. Not like I need accepting from others or after I have lost all my kilos, I will be happier. No, correction. I will be. Because I wasnt  happy about me. But my life, family??? Loosing weight dosent chance that. My family is here, even if I loose kilos or not.

Inside...I have made a peace. And one thing that I cant stand is bulling. Being nasty to someone. There´s not such a thing than perfect human. No one is not more perfect than other.

Go #teamtayja (in twitter, if you want to spread good :)

So, that´s kind of all, I want to say now. Be beautiful from inside and that will show.

Peace and love!!!

xox

sunnuntai 8. toukokuuta 2016

Sunny mother´s day

First: happy Mother´s day to every mother in this earth and even further!!!

I have one old pic about my family; me, mom and my dad. I look kind of same than my mom <3.


Happy mother´s day mom, in heaven! :)

As we went to my mother in law today, my man surprised me. I know, that he really dosent like to a) be in pictures b) take one. 
But lately he has taken all my pictures and I thank him about that. 

So, as we drove back home, he asked: would you like me to take some  pictures?? Aww...that is so sweet.

I think that he knew that I was so happy about my new sandals....;) 

There´s something about jeans, cotton and never thought that I say: gold.







Sun and fun!!!!



My soul rest´s here......

 I was thinking about writing something else, motivation things to loose weight and and be the woman that you can. That, has to wait until tomorrow. Ice hockey, and so awesome day! Tomorrow back to training, my rest week is over. You know, I´m happy about that: I miss those weights!

xox

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perjantai 6. toukokuuta 2016

Dressing up like my body shape is

Ok, I have a small problem. But like Captain Jack Sparrow said: the problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem. That is so true.

My problem is: my wardrobe. To be exact, those clothes in there. Year ago I just bought things... And if those fit me, those were fine. Now... most of those are like big sacks. Funny, some clothes has some sort of emotion, when you were them... it could be good but in some..even though you look good in those, you dont feel like one. Like negative feeling? Yes, sounds weird... but I have that kind of relationship with some of my clothes.

My goal is now, to clean my closet and try every cloth, good or bad. Do I wear or not. Like ever. Not thinking like...IF someday....

Also, I need to win my mind, to loose some of...well most of.. my sacks. Try to put more more right size clothes on. That´s after life change harder. My mind is still somewhere there, where I was 20kilos heavier... That´s why it´s good to take pictures, cause mirror dosent give that honest answer. There´s too much emotions in there: too fat OR too good. That´s a problem too... One can´t see the true you... we see what we want to see. Then someone takes a pic and surprise! "I dont look like that!!! I´m  not so thin, fat" or what ever you have thought. Pictures tells the truth. Cruel camera! :D

But. for me it´s facing my body type. I have thought that I´m...well...bigger. That´s why I have bought too big clothes. So...with these pics I will face my body and... by doing that, I´m going to go to closet.




Well....there´s some shapes. t´s like my bottom is different than from down.... Believe me; not too easy to find fitting clothes! My body will chance still, I´m just on my way to be the best me. Half year from now, I believe that very different again. But so different than year ago! 

So.... I bought a different type of clothes than I usually do. Summer-things. 

Outfit number one: ( from H&M)




I just love those shorts. Cotton, and so good to wear. Fresh and cool... Let the summer begin! 
I actually hated last summer... I did. Because I didnt find any clothes... or I didnt feel like I looked good. 

But this is very different than I have use to, and I kind of like it!!!

From H&M, all. 

With my figures it looks like I´m pregnant or so, when I wear too big or not having any shape- clothes. 

Now I wonder this next dress.... I bought it long ago, but havent wear...at all. So, it´s A- shape and I know..totally wrong from me. But can I wear it anyway? 







I like it on me, it´s so simple and easy to wear. 

But does it look like sack... I wonder. Have to think about that... 
Or do I look like nun who´s pregnant. 

Now, Ice hockey, gooooo Finland! :

xox



Arjen harmaissa, koroilla keikkuen ja meikkivimmaa

Ensin, luin tuon edellisen tekstin ja kun sen kirjuutin vähän niinkuin migreenin auravaiheessa niin siitä tuli töksähtelevä ja ei ihan sella...